on the car ride home from third home to lincoln home i think maybe i sussed out my unwillingness to commit to things.
it's just much too dangerous. and not in a goode way, i don't think so. i've spent the past few years keeping real distance from people, from the romantic sense to friendships, ever since that thing with steve between sophomore and junior year. after that plus everything before that making connections that lasted got hard. i'm only really trying the friend thing again lately, and i thought i could do the other stuff without it being a Thing, but apparently not.
I've got pretty poor eyesight for things far away, but there's this distance that i've perfected that's at the line of complete clarity and utter fuzz. That's the line where I like to keep the romance at. Anything closer and I'm gone, anything farther and it's no different from the acquaintances on the kitchen shelf.
I used to think that I was waiting for something to break through that, someone I guess. Either way. But I'm not. In the past month I've actually been more interested in keeping that distance and pushing it back bit by bit. Life is less complicated that way. I can be dangerous about other things, things that heal faster. Jeebies, it's been nearly three full years and I'm still affected by it all, you know?
Plan E
every great escape needs several parts. in this, the trap doors failed and we're fleeing through the back. all hope will seem lost until the magic kicks in and we learn to fly by missing the ground. we'll look around for tinkerbell's dusty influence but when we find ourselves flying second to the left, we'll know that neverland isnt in plan e. its still in the land of a graphite sketch on pieces of napkin used later to wipe sticky fingers clean, but plan e will take us to the snow.
islands are overrated. there's too much sunshine, sunshine.
every great escape needs several parts. in this, the trap doors failed and we're fleeing through the back. all hope will seem lost until the magic kicks in and we learn to fly by missing the ground. we'll look around for tinkerbell's dusty influence but when we find ourselves flying second to the left, we'll know that neverland isnt in plan e. its still in the land of a graphite sketch on pieces of napkin used later to wipe sticky fingers clean, but plan e will take us to the snow.
islands are overrated. there's too much sunshine, sunshine.
but of course, what i really mean is that i'll forever be a sucker for romance, even if i don't want to be. it's the story teller in me. every goode tragedy needs the slimmest hope for a comedy to be around the corner.
this week has been odd, in the end:
this week has been odd, in the end:
- i haven't been feelin kollaj, but am feelin it enough to not give up on it
- prematurely dooming things with people is no longer on the agenda
- living up to the name tayarisha
- forgot the kool-aid on my desk at school
- will buy some at the grocery store
- must fix bike tomorrow to have something to get to grocery store on
- everyone should remember to not let school get in the way of their education
3 comments:
I'm only friends with you so that when I brag about you to other people and I can say "My friend Tayarisha..." and they say "What's her name?" and I say "Tayarisha" and move on like they're idiots for not understanding me the first time.
k you have some ill friends.
i don't want his head getting too big.
Post a Comment