(Sometimes, when I'm wigglin toes in bed beneath covers and it's all snugglylike and warm and whatnot, I think about what the world would be like if facebook didn't exist and I decide that it would be better. So as my dreams kick in with thoughts of shattering glass and flying I tell myself that tomorrow's the day, the day I delete my facebook. Then I wake up the next earlyafternoon and update my status. It's a vicious cycle. I feel like if I deleted it I'd feel like I was missing out on something that everyone else knows about. Social networking machines are addictive.)
This Post:
- elections, debates, etc
- egypt
- disillusionment
I can't bring myself to care awholelot anymore about what Obama or McCain says. I was hyped back in January, then a little more in April, but now I feel like My Side Of The Mountaining it until this whole shizz is over since it's only gonna get worse in the next few weeks. Yes, of course I want to tell myself that I can see a very clear difference between the two main party candidates and that one is goode and one is bad and one deserves my vote and the other doesn't but really? really really? They're both politicians. How difficult it is to trust someone who you know will show you the person you want to see in order to get voted. it's difficult to believe that it's something other than an act to achieve a goal, and once said goal is attained who knows what'll happen. With all the election and economy stuff going on it's almost like america's forgotten what's going on in the rest of the world. Sometimes you have to remind yourself to search for the news as opposed to letting it be provided to you. At least, I do. After a coupla weeks of figuring out that the world is broke and debates are really long argumentative auction blocks for candidates, I couldn't remember if Georgia still existed or not. Even Aljazeera seems America centered these days.
and you know what? I hella much do care about what each candidate is saying.
(B) Egypt was the most beautiful and depressing experience of my entire short life. I'm still not sure how to talk about it in more detail, but I'm working on it.
(C) sometimes you have to remind yourself to care. don't feel bad when it happens, just know that it happens.
It was beautiful to see the buildings and the people and the culture and hear the sounds of a language i didn't know and see so many people who look like me but right next to that was this incredible poverty. In Cairo, a city of millions all crammed together, there are huge empty buildings all over the place. I flitted between feeling happy that I was there and feeling like I was exploiting a place that felt like home at the oddest times. We were on a cruise boat for a bit of the time, and the people on the boat make next to nada and they, as most in egypt seemed to do, depend mostly on tips. Tipping is huge over there. Ugh. I don't remember where we were going, I think it was Hapsetshut's temple but I could be wrong, what I remember is that it was ridiculously early in the morning and it was in Luxor. We left the hotel as the sun was on the softest rise I'd ever seen. The city was quiet. The few who were out hadn't been touched by the sun yet so they were quiet too. You know that feeling? Like the day doesn't reeeeally start until the sun hits your face, or you can't get up and start moving until your fingers feel that familiar gold on them. It was like that. So everything was calm and cool. We passed through the city limits and into the countryside, fields and mules and empty houses--made more depressing because the colors that they were painted were so vibrant you expected them to be attached to a presence of life.
the feeling that I felt was that there was something there that I was missing and I still can't figure it out. What it is I'm missing. It's a nagging sense in the back of my mind that something's there that I should be seeing but I'm not seeing it, that's why Egypt's so hard to talk about. I don't know how to say what I felt. Besides that it was the most beautiful and saddest thing I've ever done.
All that I know for sure now are two things. The first, all I want to do in life is tell stories through film. Be they stories that I made up or other peoples stories. That's what I want to use to help people, storytelling. The second, I have to go somewhere. Somewhere out of the USA. Nicaragua first, hopefully, in 2010, back to Africa, all over. I don't believe what most news sources say anymore, mostly cause I'm beginning to recognize the ease of lying in everyday life and that makes me suspicious of most things. I've gotta see stuff for myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment